Epistle 001.To my beloved Namnenua

Today marks an important day in our lives. It has been a small tiny little journey for you swiry (The Likha).I have probably been begging people too many times to subscribe to your channel and follow you on Instagram. Willingly(hehe) after being compelled. They all made a great choice. Whether they followed or not it’s really not our business. I must say we are very happy for what you have achieved so far.

We have watched you grow within your means, your art, your culture, creativity and in your unimaginable territories. We have seen your discipline and intentional big moves over several weeks of your endless effort.

You have been memorizing verses, castings, speech, poems and monologues. Stolen part of my safely hidden manuscripts too with permission. I would want to mention the rest of the things you steal but not today.

Balancing a lot because there is no option to let go. Diligently waking up very very tired and weary but you still psych yourself up to memorize tones and tones of pages. You later give an outstanding performance of each and every piece of your monologues. Some borrowed, some written by yourself, some spoken from nowhere, some from your heart, from your soul, your spirit and even some stolen from me(hehe).

Its been a tiny milestone in a giant way. More of a tsunami I would say in a rain drop. Too much potential that can no longer be contained anymore. I don’t even know if it makes sense. We are happy you have come this far. Especially because almost no one claps for you dearie. The number of critics and ‘bado hujaweza‘ have been more than ‘umejaribu‘.You still wake up and do it over and over. Tag everyone you know that may or will never know you, engage in dialogue with your non existing audience(of course you do monologues ).Do your background research of each monologue. I dint even know For Colored Girls was an anthology of poetry. Carry out research on filming: back shoot, shoulder shoot blah blah blah. I always listen ‘si ati huwasiskii‘. Pay attention to details within the monologue: punctuation, emoticons, emotive words, capitalization etc. Whilst, US (sisi hapa) as your bound siblings definitely have no option but to watch and like. hahah.

Its truly amazing I must say.Don’t stop for anyone honey. My love. My ‘zima hiyo taya‘.My ‘nisikupate na top yangu‘.My ‘nimebuy hizi earrings usivae kama bado sijavaa‘.You still wear them anyway. Congratulations once more. I don’t have all day to write and write. But

This Little Things.
This little things sting.
This little things stink – the most.
I definitely can’t wait to see you on those red carpets with fame and glam. And I have a weird feeling that YOUR TIME HAS COME!

Yours truly,

Cynthia

ORIENTATION

POACHED DOVE.

Plump,beautiful and proud

Struggling up the hill,with a pot full of water

gingerly balanced on her head

shredded blouse drenched by dripping debe

small feet lined with cracks

grasping pot with  chapped palms

The black earth echoes

Shimmering in eerie silence

The tracks feel desolate

She looks up the sky

with bulging veins around the neck

Vultures keen sight had spied a strange spectacle below

Societal image

terrifying like the worst of ghost

her fears of the unborn

humming pillars of dirges

for the pain of being ferreted from her home like rats

Sable clouds like chimney smoke

floating menacingly

riding upon chariots of howling wind

trees dance to the rhythm of wind

children scamper to huts for safety

Countless hardship of life

Painful emptiness in their hearts

Craving for fulfillment

Slowly enters her makuti roofed house

places the pot next to the fire storm

The storm builds on

A drizzle-ta!

another ta!

the frequency increases

thunder like guns of war explode

the rain sieves its way though the roof

inviting immense suffering on humanity

THE TROUBLED AFRICA.

.

LAST CALL.

The wind howled left to right.the night had fought so hard to bring darkness.today the stars had decided not to show up.Her ship had no direction because the howling wind kept blowing and blowing.She felt her life was hanging on the last strand of the rope and when it breaks she will hit the deep ground so hard.She wished cancer could have cancer and die but no.it was impossible.she picked her phone and googled the end of the world and nothing was similar to her misfortune.

She stood and felt she’s within a storm.The storm took her to a panic room written what will I do now.the lights went off and the longer she stayed in darkness the more she saw someone staring at her.Actually in life she was more  afraid of mosquitoes than Dracula.But what hit her was not a real life Dracula but death itself staring back at her.It was deep in her skin growing big like a balloon ready to burst.She lied down and faced up and it became a pin drop silence.tick-tok tick-tok tick-tok the clock kept ticking.on her bed she heard people acknowledging how sweet there sleep was.The snoring ones,the change of positions the pillow grabbing the throw away blankets and she felt shes dead.

Should I tell mom?No.she has too much on her hands.what will I do with my friends in school?Will sally  accept I can no longer organize her party?Can my siblings survive without me?Will anyone miss me when am gone?What will her eulogy read on her funeral?How does the grave look like?How does she look like in a casket?Her monologue conversation was interrupt by the light turning on.She rose from her bed and stare her table.there was a bottle of cyanide poison.She stared at it so daringly.A voice kept whispering just do it and the voice persisted over and over again.

I hate to say this ;but being so impulsive ;she whisked it and drunk it so quickly.She began feeling drowsy as the poison took effect.She then begun suffocating and she tried aiming for the phone to dial 911.Good luck the phone started ringing and thank God it was the doctor who had just diagnosed her.She aimed for the okay button and wallah!Unfortunately, she landed on the ground with a thud.

Her mother with motherly in stings came running towards her room and found her lying on the ground.She answered the phone in despair to confirm what happened.The doctor said there was a mistake with her diagnosis….

ITCHY FRIDAY.

It’s Friday,remember your bad decisions equals to the best stories.I will tell you why i picked itchy Friday as my title.Here’s why;Friday makes me go crazy .Its my second favorite word after you know which.Friday gives me a jumpy feeling that when am sleepy and someone mentions Friday my mind goes in a frenzy.It’s more than music to my ears.

Come Monday the feeling is bizarre.I have a friend who calls me on Monday mornings to confirm if the weekend is over and quickly follows the ‘I-wasn’t-ready’  statement.He keeps saying the only days he drinks are days that end up with a ‘Y’. Of course Friday is included.He will be like, party this party that blah blah yada yada but I never miss the ‘drink’ word in all his sentences. I eventually end up with mixed drinks about feelings.

Late nights, flip flops,short shorts,bikinis,sunglasses,sunshine,pool parties,loud music,party shoes,cocktail dress,no make up, too much make up,the list goes on and on.I can never explain the feeling.I think part of the reason we hold on something so tight is because of the  fear of never feeling something great again.Mine is Friday.That awkward moment your boss decides to ask you to work till late could be the day you finally gain courage to tell him or her ‘you quit’. Leave alone the focused ones who keep saying ‘its okay’ or  ‘I don’t care’. I know your heart whispers  the opposite immediately she walks out.

My main point is that,the right decision you can ever make in life is to enjoy life.To be happy is all that matters.Take off your shoes and go jump in the bouncing castle.Don’t mind what people say because people will forever change but memories don’t. I do believe in fairy tales but  if you loose your shoe in the middle of the night,that is not a fairy tale it’s happiness.I usually wish to tell the old and wise that they have to be young and stupid first.After all they keep saying no short cuts in life.

So my dear lads and lasses,keep calm and get in the party mood.Live for today,plan for tomorrow and don’t forget to party on Friday.Don’t wait for me to text you on Friday; its Friday as well as don’t wait for me to call you on Saturday;because it wont be me.Probably it would be your friend Vodka or Whiskey.But before that i will write an appreciation letter to whoever invented the word Friday.CHEERS TO THE FREAKING WEEKEND!

JUST WANTED TO BE YOUR LAST.

She woke up this morning and  felt something wonderful is going to happen.She always writes wake up on her to-do-list so that she can accomplish one thing  in her  list.Hope is not something she hopes  for but happiness is what she always longs for. her  mind drifted into a fleet of dark past  mainly of people who shredded her heart to shear tenderness.actually if I was to make a movie trailer,i probably would make a one hour clip explaining exactly what happened.

Remorse and pain was never  enough for Renee and till she says meet you in court.There are people who are so resourceful at being remorseful and who apparently think  the best way to make friends is by doing something terrible then make amends.

Renee walked towards her wardrobe and looked at her usual routine outfits.She thought of which one makes him happy and she knew just the one.She  picked the opposite of the usual.Jumped into the bathroom and took a quick shower.Came out and gently massaged oil on her flawless skin,puffed powder  to her face,made black edgy lines along her eye lids,slid her body hugging dress along her curves,wore her tappy shoes,applied purple matte lipstick,sprayed on her mystic’ perfume and put  some shades  on.She took a deep breath and walked out the door with assurance.

‘All good is hard,all bad is easy. Dying,loosing,cheating and mediocrity are easy.’She recited the words over and over and it became a song.She sang  and then resided to humming.She later took a cub and told the driver 246.I presume the address she was headed to.

At 246. Renee gave the  cub man some money and firmly said ‘keep change’ .She opened the door and made her way in.She gazed at the wall photo one by one.She took a sit and waited for him.At four pm, she heard some one on the door knob.It was time.two people a man and a lady walked in full of  giggles.Of course the man was harry.but the giggles ended up in shock and confusion.

Surprise!said Renee.In a blink of an eye there was a shot.A shot that ended up on his knee forcing him to bow down.’Don’t make a step father or I’ll put a bullet through your brains  woman!’….

TO BE CONTINUED..

FUTURE PAST TENSE.

I woke up from my bed sweating profusely.What a nightmare?We all have fears .It is born in our personality.Of course  a nightmare is a fear factory.I remember the first time I had a dream it was a nightmare.Where an old guy had a pawpaw head.Split it and get pawpaw seeds in it.But this wild nightmare i just woke up from was quite unusual.

Premonition is not something I believed in.I got out of bed and slowly walked towards the window.I drew the curtains and found  the moon had made a nice gesture of shining its light upon the place.I gazed at the gate that made racket noise and noticed  the padlock was unlocked.Here’s  where the cliche’ comes in handy.

‘I did it like in the movies’. A fleeting thought of gratitude made its way to my brain;thankful of the person who invented that statement.With a sheepish smile, I did some yoga.I made a squat and dived on the floor.I crawled  and aimed  for the door.I struggled to touch the door knob and stealthily opened it.

I roll  and spring out grabbing the broom.”just like in the movies” once more .’Inspekta Mwala’s Drama ‘ background music accompanies my endeavors to save the world. I don’t switch on the lights so as not to arouse suspicion.I bend and quickly head for the main entrance door acknowledging my efforts for making it this far.

Favor!This is why  am a believer.Unlike my mom,uncovering mysteries is my thing.She claims adventure is for people with mid age crisis and for that matter; I thought am already at my quarter age crisis;since i am not 30 years yet

I bravely open the door like  a mighty worrier with full amour and strength.”Empty” I whispered to my self .the inspekta mwala beats stop.I make one step out of the house and I get an illusion of the fence growing.My stomach wrenches in knots.The chill of July air make shivering quite painful.My legs begin to tremble in fear.i close my eyes so tightly as i therapeutically tell my self its nothing but an illusion.Echoes of my pounding heart are heard  in my ears.my chest feels like its going to explode.

I open just one eye to confirm the situation confronting me.”Nothing” I gain some bit of courage  which is equal to a gain of height.I quickly make a ninety degrees turn and run for the door.Just beside the door there is a long mirror.Behind the mirror there is a person behind it.I stop and stare.Same height, same  hairstyle ,same nose, same pretty eyes and lips.She looked exactly like me but it wasn’t me..I raised my hand and quickly dropped it.She did the same simultaneously.My feet and hands became bound.

Two boys appear next to the girl in the mirror.Two ghosts from the past.Two bullies that bullied me back in elementary school.They were still the  ten year old boys I used to know.No growth and development yet.”where have you been  all this years.We are through with university.”I interrupt my internal conversation by the realization  that they are just a reflection.They didn’t appear  next to me in real life at that moment.

In a throw of a stone i close my eyes.then i open them.I find my self in bed  drenched in sweat.I guess you all know what am about to say.It was just a dream…

TILL WE MEET AGAIN.

Since that day,I keep starring at the stars up above the sky.It’s so amazing that the stars are not just stars for me anymore.Perhaps they are a reminder.An opening of the loved ones shining upon me.Maybe to let me know that they are happy wherever they are.No matter what everyone says about time healing all wounds or about fading grief,the truth remains that sorrow never fades away until the last breathe is taken.

Whenever we close our eyes all we see is the image of our loved ones who left open wholes in our hearts that can never be filled.Actually, whoever thinks that there is a time limit for grief has never actually lost a part of their heart.It’s more sad for someone to say its going to be fine than letting me know things will not be the same.

In loving memory to my precious stolen gemstones.You left a beautiful memory,you left love  that is still my guide.Though we cannot see you among us we do feel your presence.I will keep watching the sun set and keep all your memories refreshed in my mind.I will sustain sobriety and maintain the chaotic peace in my mind.I will wake up every morning and acknowledge the fact that their once live great people on this land.A grandfather,a cousin a brother and the great  living legacy you left behind.

So keep the smile,leave the tear,think of joy,forget the fear,hold the laugh,leave the pain,be joyous… till we meet again.forever in our hearts.

I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS TOO

Night cannot become day.The boredom of the light that is not there brings about truth that is hidden.They say if we alter  the truth for lies it is unjust.Life exists now more than tomorrow.They also say life is too short to blend in.So lets buy the shoes and party all the same.Because once its done you cant change the hands of time.

As people count days some else where make a day count.The only difference between meta humans and humans is time.It’s sad all the same because history knows each mortal and history knocks no doors.Moving life and moving time essentially are made of throbbing space and deeper void ;but then the world has no soul .Once it conspires against you the only choice you have is to keep moving.

That’s what I keep telling my self.You keep standing as the world moves on you become  a shadow.You become what can be changed by light and not by the object possessing you.be daring,be different,be impractical,be unpredictable.be  anything that will assert the integrity of purpose and have a vision against play-it-safers ;the slaves of the ordinary.

Don’t just survive life,live it.Hope but never expect.look forward but never wait.Forgive and let go.Be thankful for everything.Let faith be bigger than your fear:after all,fear is the only prove that we are alive, be fearless in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.I’ll do just that .Cause I love happy endings too…